Anwar Ibrahim in by-election,the world eyes on Permatang Pauh.

The eyes on you,Permatang Pauh!Come on,show us the truth!Prevail us the light for Malaysia!

Sabah,Phillipines.

The title of my blog today might be controversional for Malaysians.Some might will say,"is Ezreen Emira being retarded these days,counter the fact that Sabah were part of Malaysia?",some might saying "Ezreen become so delusional,and what the hack she attacked her own country for sake of immigrant Pinoys?"

I would like to say,the fact will always be hidden in Malaysians history textbook.What the truth actually never been told by Malaysian government to it's people,and forever,if someone not discovering the hidden truth,it shall remain forever.

Sabah:Rich of Resources,Most Undeveloped State in Malaysia.

Before I lay some facts here,I put some of details of State of Sabah.

Wide:76,115 km²
Population:3,387,000
Capital City:Kota Kinabalu
Density:32 people per 1 km²
Human Developement Index:0.729(medium)

Sabah natural resources such as petroleum,natural gas,timber,aluminum,palm oil,rubber.But this is a quote from Wikipedia that might (or not) surprising some of you.

Sabah ranked as one of the richest states in the federation, with a per capita GDP second only to Selangor (which then included Kuala Lumpur).However, despite its vast wealth of natural resources, Sabah is currently the poorest of Malaysia's states. Average incomes are now among the lowest in Malaysia, and with a considerably higher cost of living than in West Malaysia. In 2000, Sabah had an unemployment rate of 5.6 per cent - the highest of any Malaysian state and almost twice the national average of 3.1 per cent. The state has the highest poverty level in the country at 16 per cent, more than three times the national average.

But what is my point here?Giving Sabah back to Phillippines might not solving any problem,because according to some Malaysians,Pinoy's economy are not good as in Malaysia(who saying that?Media in Malaysia?),and plus with Mindanao war against Moro people,Sabah might be safe haven for those MILF terrorists.

What I'm trying to say is,is that we should going back to history.When Sulu Sultanate has been established in 1450,and when Brunei Sultan's were giving Sulu Sabah as dowry for marrying Sulu's princess in 1658,but in 1882,British North Borneo Company has leasing Sabah from Sulu,by Alfred Dent,which before that it was Baron von Overback,an Austro-Hungarian with his business partner Joseph William Torrey and Thomas Bradley Harris,both Americans.Alfred Dent were backing them with financial support,but von Overback was failed to convincing Vienna for funding his company.Alfred Dent then continue paying lease to Sulu and Brunei Sultanate,respectively.

And then it all went wrong here.In 1946,British which already won against Japanese occupation,has restored Crown Colony status towards Sabah,which they proclaimed as "colony of British Empire",before World War II occured.Actually it was British North Borneo has leasing Sabah from Sulu Sultanate.

And when Malaya reached independence on August 31st,1957,British realized that their empire which "never set the sun" are now rotting in history,so British are ready to let Sabah go.So,where should Sabah go?In 1963,when British were ready to let Sabah go,it was Malaya by Tunku,are asking for combine Peninsular of Malaya with Sabah and Sarawak,plus Singapore,merged as one country,Malaysia.Then,what happen to Sulu?Sulu has emerged with Phillippines,after independence in 1946.Shall be in 1946,British start paying lease to Phillippines.

In 1963,Phillippines joined Indonesia,rising "neo-colonialism" issue,with Indonesia even more radical,launching Konfrantasi against British-backed Malaysia.If before this I'm giving my back to my country Malaysia,now,I'm giving my back to the truth.Malaysia never owned Sabah and Sarawak.That's the fact.Malaysia is actually continuing British occupation towards Sabah and Sarawak,and that's a fact.

Malaysia is a continuation of British Empire legacy,and I still remember one of Tunku Abdul Rahman quotes why he insist to bring Sabah and Sarawak to be part of Malaysia,he told in his memoir by saying "Malaya has been colonised by London(United Kingdom),so it has similarities with system in Sabah,Sarawak,Singapore and Brunei.If we compared our history in Southeast Asia,Indo China has been colonised by Paris(France),Phillippines by Washington(USA),and Indonesia by Amsterdam(Dutch),so the reason for me to emerging Malaya with Sabah,Sarawak,Singapore and Brunei is to build a strong foundation,strong country,named Malaysia."

Now this is neo-colonialism words,don't you think?

Here's the British Secretary of State for Foreign Affairs letter for stating Sabah status.

p/s:My Pinoy friend told me,in Tagalog,Sandak means "lease" or gadai.So what is Sandakan stands for?

Fact:Mount Kinabalu are NOT the highest peak in Southeast Asia,it was 4th in Southeast Asia behind Hkakabo Razi(Myanmar) 5881 m,Puncak Jaya(Indonesia) 4884m,and Puncak Trikora(Indonesia)4750 m.Mount Kinabalu is 4101 m.Another BN propaganda towards you,Malaysians!

A January 7, 1883, letter from the British Secretary of State for Foreign
Affairs Lord Granville confirms the position that the “takeover” of the
British of Sabah, a Sulu property was a lease,
not a purchase.
It states: "The British Charter [representing the
British North Borneo Company] therefore differs essentially from the previous
Charters granted by the Crown... in the fact that the Crown in the present case
assumes no dominion or sovereignty over the
territories occupied by the Company, nor does it purport to grant to the Company powers of government
thereover; it merely conveys upon the persons associated the
status and incidents of a body corporate, and recognizes the grants of territory and the powers of government
made and delegated by the Sultan in whom the sovereignty remains
vested. It differs also from previous Charters in that it
prohibits instead of grants a general monopoly of trade.
"As regards the
general features of the undertaking, it is to be observed that the territories granted to the Company have been for
generations under the government of the Sultanate of Sulu and Brunei, with whom
Great Britain has had Treaties of Peace and Commerce."
In
retrospect, the British Foreign Affairs communique conceded that the matter of
sovereignty remained vested in the Sultan of Sulu and could not be delegated to
any party because the Deed of 1878 expressly prohibited it.

Justice for Anwar Ibrahim.

My fellow Malaysians,

Today(or tonight in Calgary),we have witnessed one of the darkest history of our nation,Malaysia.Once again our rule of law has been sodomized by those people who denied the voice of Malaysians.My leader,Datuk Seri Anwar Ibrahim,has been arrested for charge of sodomized Saiful Bukhari Azlan,the guy without dignity we ever knew.

My fellow Malaysians,

There's no surprise of this charge.This is ultimately a conspiracy to deny Malaysians eagerness to put our justice and law back on track.This is an attempt to deny Malaysians to feel free in this country.Barisan Nasional is a big culprit of this failure system.The leadership under Abdullah Ahmad Badawi and Najis Tun Razak are absolute tyranny,un-democratic,idiotic,and iron fist regime.

My fellow Malaysians,

Let me remind you in the year of 1986,the year when I was born.It was a revolution in Phillippines called "People Power",where 1 million Pinoy has marching at Epifanio de los Santos Avenue Highway in Manila,urging the dictator Ferdinand Marcos to step down.The sucsessful attempt came from the spirit of the people that has been oppressed,and to upheld people's voice,towards liberation and freedom.

My fellow Malaysians,

Right now,I'm in Canada,writing this article as much as I could.I couldn't join the Reformasi March,but my soul will be there.Together,regardless Malay,Chinese,Indians or Indigineous People,know your right,marching on towards Putrajaya or Parliament Building,or in front of King House,urge The King,Agong to sack this irresponsible government,in order for justice and peace.

My fellow Malaysians,

The Pinoys has sucsessfully done it,now it's our turn to doing it.Demand for our freedom is PATRIOTIC.Demand for our freedom is for Malaysia,for it's people,for culture and for your society.From Calgary I challenge all of Malaysians,unite to voice your rights,regardless police and Federal Reserve Unit,we outnumbered them,WE WILL TORN THEM DOWN!

My spirit will carries on.Send this message from another Malaysians,to another.This is amanah.

Thank you.

Ezreen Emira.

Malaysian Parliament Barbwired?

I thought I click to Sudanese Parliament area.This is Malaysia,guys.Police has been used as dog to keep this culprit destructing democracy.Malaysia had never been f*cked like this before.Come on people,do like what Filipinos does,1986 People Power Movement,they kicked Ferdinand Marcos out,please Malaysians,I pledge you.Please be more brave.March on the streets,bring millions of them,millions!Ignore police,beat them up or let them join us.Walking straight to Parliament,or in PM's office.Send the strong message for this power junkie to step down.

My Filipino friend told me they got balls to do that,how about Malaysia.Come on,scream for your freedom.Topple those as*hole,oust them from government.

Please be more brave.

If Filipino can do it,why don't Malaysians?Bring up millions.Going to streets of Kuala Lumpur.Marching on,and topple down this culprit.

UoC Faculty of Medicine new job to fight bio-terrorism.

Now University of Calgary (UoC) granted C$1.7 million for fight terrorism.I'm not from Faculty of Medicine of course,but I'm proud of my university.Go UoC go!This is Now!

Microbiologist awarded grant to develop and test vaccines against agents of bioterrorism The National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases, part of the U.S. National Institutes of Health (NIH) has awarded Donald Woods, PhD, of the Faculty of Medicine, University of Calgary, $1.7 million for research into vaccines against agents of bioterrorism.

Woods, who is part of the Calvin, Phoebe and Joan Snyder Institute of Infection, Immunity and Inflammation, is studying and testing vaccine preparations for the prevention of glanders and melioidosis. Glanders is a widespread bacterial disease primarily found in horses that can be transmitted to humans. It has a history of use in biological warfare. Melioidosis, which affects people in Southeast Asia, is also caused by a bacterial agent. The disease can result in pneumonia, septicemia, and if left untreated can become chronic.

The bacteria that cause these diseases are on the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention’s (CDC) category B list of potential bioterrorism agents. Glanders is caused by B. mallei, melioidosis is caused by the closely related organism, B. pseudomallei. These diseases are considered to be emerging infectious diseases worldwide, and have a high death rate.
"It is important to develop a vaccine against both of these organisms because they are very difficult to treat with antibiotics and even with appropriate antibiotic treatment, mortality is still high,” says Donald Woods.

The microbes that Woods studies are potentially dangerous, so he conducts his work in a biosafety level three containment laboratory. That means every time scientists go into the lab they must take special safety and security precautions to protect laboratory personnel and the public against exposure to these agents.

Woods is working in collaboration with investigators at the U.S. Army Medical Research Institute for Infectious Diseases, the University of Georgia, the University of Toledo Health Sciences Center, Cangene Corporation and the Faculty of Veterinary Medicine, University of Calgary.
Donald Woods, PhD, is the Canada Research Chair in Microbiology, receiving funding support from the Canadian Institutes of Health (CIHR) and a Fellow of the Canadian Academy of Health Sciences.

Cristiano Ronaldo,The Richest 'Slave' In The World.

There were 27 million of slaves in the world nowadays,although it's already been declared as illegal many many years ago.Most slaves came from poor and corrupted countries in Africa,South Asia,The Carribeans,Europe.Oh wait a second,EUROPE??

Yes,a slave from Europe.He live in Manchester,have a posh mansion at suburban area,drives Bentley and Mercedes.A slave from Europe.

There's none other than the diva footballer,"so-called" the best player in the world,Cristiano Ronaldo dos Santos Aveiro.

Here's the statement from himself.

LONDON (AFP) - Cristiano Ronaldo believes FIFA president Sepp Blatter was right to controversially describe him as being treated like a "modern-day slave" by current club Manchester United.

Ronaldo was responding to Blatter’s comments made earlier in the day, in which the head of world football insisted the player should be allowed to join Spanish giants Real Madrid if he wants to."I completely agree with the FIFA president, " said the player currently resting in Portugal after undergoing an ankle operation.

He added: "The president is correct, but I do not want to say more."

Well I'm not sure whether Sepp Blatter has turn sinile with this kind of thoughts in his mind.He is already been in Africa,where people struggle to get food every day by day,where corruption and poverty clutches each and every soul in Africa,and releasing statement that Cristiano Ronaldo as a "slave",Sepp,that was irresponsible,ignorant and "at-the-highest-level" of stupidity quote I ever heard.

Ronaldo is a primadona bitch,who has a thought in his weenie head that he is the greatest football player in the world.He has skills-agreed.He has pace-agreed,but he don't have a soul.

I'm not Manchester United fan much,I'm more to Celtic FC,but this statement really damaging the great club of Manchester United image.Ronaldo has a thought that he's the best,he can do anything that he want.Well where all the best came from,Ronaldo?

At least David Beckham still has respect for his former club.He still went to United exhibition match,against Lippi UEFA XI.

I love Stone Roses "I Wanna Be Adored" lyric quoted:

"I don't have to sold my soul..."

Ladies and gentleman,the richest slave in the world,Cristiano Ronaldo.

Myspace Debate With Nami.

a debate to defend my friend/sister,Farhana.

The statement of Nami about toghut-ness of Barisan Nasional.

Toghut maksudnya "menduakan atau selebihnya sesuatu dengan kekuasaan Tuhan."ya,cuba sis fikir,kalau slogan "dulu,kini dan selamanya" tu,bukankah itu satu perbuatan toghut?dalam surah al-Ikhlas ada menyebut,

"Dialah Allah,Yang Maha Esa,Dialah yang Terawal,Dia Tidak Dilahirkan dan Tidak Melahirkan,Dan tidak ada yang boleh Menyekutukan-Nya".

so,kalau amik konteks dulu,kini dan selamanya.UMNO ditubuhkan pada tahun 1946,but how about 1945?1836,1511?200 juta tahun sebelum masihi?ada tak?so,perkataan dulu itu tidak relevan.kini,ye..memang umno wujud pada masa kini,tapi adakah kerelevanannya?49.4 peratus pengundi di Malaysia telah menolak UMNO dan Barisan Nasional.selamanya,come on...apakah UMNO akan wujud selepas hari Akhirat?tentu tidak,bukan?so,dengan rasionalnya bro mengatakan,slogan itu langsung tak boleh digunakan.Berbanding dengan slogan PAS,"Membangun Bersama Islam",rasanya tak salah,kan?or PKR "Reformasi" yang bermaksud "Perubahan",dan dalam bahasa Arabnya bermaksud Hijrah,betul tak?Tak salah,kan?Dan DAP(mungkin dia bukan beragama Islam) tapi,mengamalkan fahaman sosial demokrat,iaitu kesejahteraan rakyat.Ye,bro bukan pandai,tetapi apalah gunanya setitis ilmu yang x berapa ada ni utk dikongsi bersama. Ya,Tuhan itu Maha Mengetahui,tetapi,apa yang kita tahu,kita sebarkan la.

Now that's bullying,Nami.I don't like it.I then commented him by saying:

"you ni nami,agak2 la bagi syarahan kat ana..ape la you ni,radical sangat bunyinya! "

He slammed me back:

"saya hanya meluahkan opini saya.Rasional atau tidak terpulang kepada akal pemikiran masing-masing.Saya tidak berniat mahu mendoktrinisasikannya,sebaliknya mahu dia (Ana) mahu berfikir di luar kotak,ada benarnya disebalik istilah "dulu,kini dan selamanya" adalah toghut.Menyamakan benda lain(UMNO),bersifat dulu kini dan selamanya.Ini terang-terang toghut.Filosofisnya di sini,terdapat satu tendasi melihat pemikiran sesetengah rakyat malaysia yang mengatakan,sekiranya kerajaan BN ini runtuh,maka segalanya hancur.bukankah itu toghut?

Wahai cik ezreen,idealistas itu memang bahaya,tetapi sampai bila wacana pemikiran berasaskan keesaan terhadap Allah tu tercapai sekiranya ada opini yang sedemikian terhadap kerajaan BN?Berterima kasih dengan bantuan BN,ini perlu dielak.Katakan saja itu tugas kerajaan,tak perlu diterima kasihkan.Tak perlu mendewa-dewakan pemimpin2 yang selama ini korup,yang menjadi kanker kepada bangsa dan agama kita.Islah perlu dilakukan,selagi kita ada kotak pemikiran "orang atas",sampai bila2 pun kita akan terus mendewa2kan kerajaan Barisan Nasional."

So...Pramoedya-ish type of language.I fought back:

"slogan tu memang silap.tapi nami,no matter how egalitarian it is,we still need someone to lead.PKR for example,they need anwar to lead,kan?mana boleh a society exists without leader yang guide that society?mana arah dia nami?"

I for sure don't agree with UMNO "Dulu,Kini Selamanya" slogant,but I don't agree that idealists like him has authority to questionized or judging people with sort ideas.

He attacked me back,this is getting personal.

"saya tidak mengatakan bahawa masyarakat itu tidak ada hirarki langsung.itu anarki.

Nabi Muhammad sendiri menjadi ketua kepada seluruh umat Islam,tidakkah kita meletakkannya sebagai hirarki?Tetapi,rasionalnya saya disini,saya tekankan prinsip "justice among all citizen",atau keadilan kepada semua rakyat.Apa beza Khairy Jamaluddin yang melanggar lampu merah di Putrajaya semasa saya menghantar Sue ke hospital(cik ezreen bisa merujuk kepada sue sendiri) dengan saya melanggar lampu merah di Seremban?Itu yang saya tekankan.

Nabi pernah bersabda,kalau dia melakukan dosa,dosanya 2 kali ganda daripada manusia biasa.Sebab itu Nabi maksum.Dia sudah terpelihara dari dosa2.Sekarang,saya mahu Cik Ezreen dan Cik Ana berfikir,rasionalkah kita meletakkan seorang pemimpin yang tidak ada nilai-nilai intergriti dalam pemerintahan kita?Dan ianya akan berbalik kepada topik "Dulu,Kini dan Selamanya" di sini.Saya memang benci kepada carta organisasi yang saya nampak di premis-premis kerajaan,seolah2 mahu menunjukkan siapa yang mempunyai kuasa paling besar dalam premis ni.Tidakkah pegawai2 kerajaan itu sedar bahawa kuasa paling besar,bukan saja dalam premis itu bahkan seluruh negara itu adalah Allah,yang akan membuka hati-hati rakyat negara untuk memberi mandat kepada mereka untuk berada disitu?Abdullah Badawi dan anak bini x hargai mandat rakyat.

Dan saya tidak menkafirkan beliau,cuma prinsip dalam parti beliau itu salah dan perlu diperbetul."

Ha ha,very clever Nami.Using Islamic thoughts to support your socialism ideas.His hatred towards social class is quite,furious.I pay him back.What is relevant between Khairy Jamaluddin crashed red light in Putrajaya with caffiriate?It's absolutely nautical nonsense,absurd and not relevant at all Nami.

"tapi you ni nami,bila you cakap umno tu toghut,you dah jelas you "caffiriate" all muslim yang ada dalam umno tu.you x boleh kata la macam tu,sebab you tau kan,ape hukum menkafirkan orang?dosa besar kan?dasar is dasar but as a personal,you x boleh kata macam tu. my father pun umno member(although he's left the party and supports PKR).macam u la,u support socialist,which associate dengan communism.bila orang cakap orang2 socialist ni atheist,tau pulak you marah..itu namanya generalization.you x boleh generalize orang just like that.dasar is dasar tapi kalau bagi random opinion,tu dah salah nami."

Generalization is the way to accuse the whole entity without checking the whole point.For example,the whole football team has been blamed after a footballer scored an own goal.Should it be a person that should be blamed,right John Arne Riise?

He with his last ammo strikes me back,once again.

"Idealismenya itu yang perlu diperbetul.Kalaulah UMNO buang slogan "Dulu,Kini dan Selamanya",isu ini tidak akan timbul.Berbanding PKR "Reformasi" atau PAS "Membangun Bersama Islam",ada tak jelas menunjukkan istilah toghut kat situ?Reformasi bermaksud islah atau perubahan dari sesuatu yang buruk kepada yang baik.Keadilan itu sebahagian dari sifat Islam.Kalau nak bersifat UMNO,nasionalisme,ianya seperti fahaman jahiliyah assobiyah,yang hanya mementingkan sesuatu kaum.Kalau tengok dasar pemerintahan UMNO,perpecahan bangsa Malaysia tetap berlaku.UMNO tadbir Melayu,MCA tadbir Cina MIC tadbir India.Dan dalam al-Quran sendiri menegah sifat-sifat assobiyah ni.Dah kalau dasar pun macam tu,implementasinya memang jelas lah.Dan saya bukan mengkafirkan secara personal,tidak.Pemikiran macam ni BN dah pupuk supaya "jangan persoal apa yang BN buat".Cuba kalau nilai2 hijrah tu diambil iktibar sikit,dari kaum Aus dan Khazraj dicantum menjadi Ansar,Muhajirin digabung dengan Ansar dijadi Mukminin.Pemikiran tu yang saya persoalkan,bukan secara personal.Saya tak pertikaikan solat,puasa Abdullah Ahmad Badawi,Khairy Jamaluddin atau Najib Tun Razak.Saya persoalkan pemikiran dia."

Denial Nami,tadi cakap toghut,jap lagi "saya tak pertikaikan"Oh come on Nami.And a out-of-point by blaming "divide and rule" system rooted by Barisan Nasional.Nami,our topic today is,"is that UMNO toghut",not "divide and rule of BN".Sori,lari tajuk(point that out of point I pointing it with blue colored font.)

Then this is my thoughts of mass destruction.Nami,prepare to lost.Ha ha ha!

"so,maksud you,you still hold dengan princip you,you tak kafirkan dorang dari sudut personal,tapi dari sudut pemikiran dan idea.what if kalau i cakap pemikiran you tu,songsang,unislamic and toghut,macam you cakap tadi.i just cakap pemikiran,not your personal,kan?how about your socialism ideas,bukankah dia root dari karl marx,yang cukup anti dengan golongan capitalism?bila you cakap anti-social class,you nak act macam "semua orang don't deserve to get more",

nami..rezeki di tangan Tuhan,bukan pada pemikiran idealis you ni.maknanya kat sini idea you pun dah toghut.

Think.before you say."

Lalalalalaaaa...I know at this point,you already silent.Ana,I already let you win in this case.GO GO GIRL POWER!

Nami then replied,

"ahaa...i'm stucked here.checkmate.pandai cik ezreen berhujah.tapi pemikiran kapitalis ni sebenarnya dah banyak korupkan pemikiran kita.plutokrasi ni jelas merosakkan hak-hak golongan bawahan. tu je la saya ingin tegaskan."

Nami,is this a white flag?Blaming plutocracy and capitalist?You are way off from actual topic,Nami.

I requested Nami to ask an apology to Ana.You should call me more often to defend you,Ana.Maybe I'm an opposition supporters,but I'm not off-limit in this particular topic.Nami,religion topic are dangerous if you're not careful with it.

Achik.

Achik,

Tonight angah,along and abah has pray for you. We all recite Yasin and pray for your happiness.Abah told me,that you will be forever regarded if I stay this way.I know I should forgive myself,maybe I'm too emotional about it,maybe after what I've done to you.

Achik,

My life won't be easy without you.Once for a while,I keep thinking of you,glooming with my sins towards you,and i once said "life is better without you",indeed,it was.

Achik,

Before you gone,I saw myself as arrogant,selfish,ungrateful and always degrades people surrounds me. It's like build the tall wall so no one could invade my kingdom,but in the end it was no one inside it. It's empty.

Achik,

You're the one who has be patient towards my arrogant act. No matter what I've done,you still smiles at me. In your diary,you've wrote that I'm as your "greatest sister in the world",although I believe I never done anything good for you.I always make you cry,I always degrade you,I always cursing you.Achik,I just want you to know that no matter what,you are the best friend I ever had,the best sister I ever had,and life without you are miseryly empty,but like abah told me,life must carry on.

I miss you,Achik.

8th July 2008,a year after Elly's death.

Tuesday morning,wake up,and after breakfast,tea and scramble egg,my brother Shahril picked up his car key,with my dad,straight to Meadowlark Park,Calgary,where my sister Sherina and my mother Sophia has been buried there.Arrived there then,each steps remarks my grief and misery that I've been faced all this year.As I stares to her tombstone,without realizing it my tears drips,as my dad started to lifting up my spirit.All three of us then pray to God,that both of them will survive in their life after death.

Pain,misery and confusal still in my mind.Sometimes I started to be in denial,I denied that she never die,she still alive.The more I try to forgive myself,after a fight 2 months before she died,the more pain I've been faced.Now,a year after she left me,Sherina is still 'alive' in my mind.

May God be with you,Achik.

Sherina Ellyana.

I was 1 year 1 month when she was born.My mom(RIP) told me she's more harder to gave birth of Sherina than me,and since then,she was a center of attraction of the family.When she was 3 years old,it's an usual thing when she's stutter,but when she reached 7 years old,we know there's something wrong with her.

I still remember when first time my uncle meet her,and giving her a chocolate candy with the peanuts inside.She takes it,and when she ate that candy,she get choked,her face turns red and she almost can't breathe.We took her to hospital,and doctor told us that she's actually have allergy with peanuts,chocolates and etc.

When she was in Milan,she's a silent,shy girl,never speaks unless she need to,she's a typical Asian girl,even more.In contrast with me,I'm outspoken,and "Girl Power" spirit never die inside me.

Tomorrow,a year ago,I still remember the worst Sunday I ever faced in my entire life.My mom cried and she picked up the phone,my dad tried to comfort her down,while my brother Shahril were restless.I was confused,what happened?They told me that my sister died because of anaphylaxis shock,which according to Wikipedia as "the most severe type of anaphylaxis, occurs when an allergic response triggers a quick release from mast cells of large quantities of immunological mediators (histamines, prostaglandins, leukotrienes) leading to systemic vasodilation (associated with a sudden drop in blood pressure) and edema of bronchial mucosa (resulting in bronchoconstriction and difficulty breathing). Anaphylactic shock can lead to death in a matter of minutes if left untreated."She died in instant,without saying goodbye to us.

Yes,2 months before she died,I have a conflict with her,and because of that,I was the one who affected the most when she's gone.

And I know,even I put roses at her tomb,and no matter how hard I try to forgive myself for what I have done to her,I will never forgive myself.

Now my beloved sister,you and me,forever internity.

A poem for her.

Here I am,crippling myself on my knee

To hold my blisters and bleeding that i can't see

I'm crying in pain since you're gone

In a deep missing and misery i'm all alone

But I don't want you to know right now what happen to me.

I hold my sighs and cry so no one can see

But high above I know you can see me

Twisting my pencil and writing poems alone

Why you leave me so soon?

I hope there's a peace over there for thee

Even here it's turmoil and deeply agony

I'm standing still here beneath the stars and mourn

To feel the pain that you had alone

I'm here missing you and deeply in misery

Why you leave me so soon?

Bread and circuses from Be End's government to Malaysians.

The Roman political machine,during Ancient Roman times,has bring people's voice and power to the authority,by simply gave the public bread and circuses.

What is bread and circuses anyway?

A satire from Roman poet Juvenal has wrote;

.. iam pridem, ex quo suffragia nulli

uendimus, effudit curas; nam qui dabat olim

imperium, fasces, legiones, omnia, nunc se

continet atque duas tantum res anxius optat,

panem et circenses. ...

(Juvenal, Satire 10.77-81)

or translation from Latin;

... Already long ago, from when we sold our vote to no man,

the People have abdicated our duties; for the People who once upon a time

handed out military command, high civil office, legions - everything, now

restrains itself and anxiously hopes for just two things:

bread and circuses.

Now,in Malaysia,there's a new form of bread and circuses was formed to reaching people's support to Barisan Nasional.The new form of bread and circuses such as Akademi Fantasia,Malaysian Idol,Sure Heboh,Juara Lagu and the list goes on.My dad was a Petronas engineer,so he used to be invited to ministry invitations,especially when minister arrives from oversea.And the cost is,I guess you already can guess how much money had been spent.

There's a lot of gathering,telling off that what government had done for the public,giving us prosperity,and we [Malaysians] must not take for granted from our stability in this country.I used to listen that.Government will take care of you,don't worry.Such that assurance.

Now I must told you,this bread and circuses method to get voted is something-disgusting.As a government,your job is to govern,to took care of the people,not to entertain them.Not to make them blind and stupid enough to think,and this is the way BN's government played as God here,

"kita harus bersyukur dengan kestabilan politik di dalam negara ini,kita tidak ada peperangan,negara kita aman dan makmur.Malaysia Boleh!Cemerlang Gemilang Terbilang!"

This is totally bs.

We can say our country is stable politically if there's a freedom of mind of the public,in the same time there's no war and chaos in Malaysia.If you put an example,Switzerland,that's what we call,stable politic.450 years of peace,where all people can tolerant with what so ever thoughts,freedom to think,freedom to speech,no thought police around,no propaganda,and no bs speech from the leaders.It's all about facts,facts,and facts.

Now I've been living in Canada for 3 1/2 years,yet I never heard from my tv that we should love our government etc.All I ever heard is,"Love Your Canada".Not "Love Your Liberals" or "Love Your Conservatives" or "J'aime Bloc Quebecois"(French:I love Quebec Bloc,a party in Quebec).

Now,accusations from some UMNO supporters towards me,that I've been unpatriotic,ungrateful and "Melayu Mudah Lupa"(Easy-to-Forget Malays).If I were Malaysian now,my allegiance is to Malaysia,not to UMNO or Barisan Nasional.This is the things that we have been thought in school,especially when bread and circuses were been given by government to people.

If you join Pemuda UMNO or if you were girl,I'm not sure what wing it is,you will get money,lot's of stuff,and some freebies,maybe you can see Siti Nurhaliza concert live,and so does some Malay who always think about circuses.

I don't want to be proles,and I don't want to be stupid to think that this is what Barisan Nasional has took care to their people.

I am what I am.My point of view doesn't mean I'm not patriotic.Malaysians,open your eyes.

A Grandfather.A Great Thinker.A Leader.

I was in tears when I saw this picture.A 61-years old grandfather,who was facing strong accusation and liars,some people backstabbed him,betray his trust,I am not strong as this man.

When I was 12 years old,I was in USJ Subang Jaya,ordinary schoolgirl who just follow the Malaysian educational school system(be a sheep to be slaughtered,or be a black sheep),I don't have much time to think his justice much.Newspapers told he is gay,so does television.I watch a video which actually proved that he is innocent.Click here.

Then I open up his blog,and I see this image,holding his grand daughter Saffiyah,daughter of Lembah Pantai MP Nurul Izzah.Without realizing it,I'm crying.What would happen to Saffiyah,what kind of struggle that this family had face toward this conspiracy,started by Dr. Mahathir.

Before this,I was blinded,like the rest of Malaysians,by Mahathir,from Malaysia's miracle economic growth.But during this case on September 1998,I don't have much time to read this story due my practice of Opening Ceremony of 1998 Commonwealth Games.But I read and research about this case,there's a hole that being covered by dirty hands inside Malaysian Government.

He was proven innocence when Dr. Mahathir himself saying that "Anwar did do nothing wrong,it was me to abuse my power".Click here.

Datuk Seri Anwar,as a Malaysian(in 1998),I pledged you an apology for ignoring what happen to you.From a girl across Pacific Ocean and Rocky Mountains,I'M SORRY DATUK SERI.You'll get my full support from here.

Now,the UMNO-led propaganda machine once again play the same script.To UMNO,you can fool me once,but never twice.

5 Steps of Grief(Psycho 101)

If you’ve ever attended an entry-level college Psychology course, you wouldn’t be able to escape learning about the 5 Stages Of Grief, as prescribed in the Kübler-Ross model.

The 5 stages describe phases that an individual goes through in the event of finding out about a terminal illness, death of a loved one, loss of a job, or some other catastrophic event the the individual’s life.

Here’s a quick run-through of each phase:

Denial

The first phase is denial. Basically, the person can’t believe that something so bad is happening to him that he chooses to deny its existence.

Anger

The second phase basically describes the emotion of a person who feels resentful. She blames God for her cancer, she is angry at her husband for dying early and leaving her with 4 kids to feed.

Bargaining

Bargaining is when the person tries to find a way to reason with the cards that he has been dealt with. A common bargaining situation is when the man asks God to let him live longer so that he can walk his daughter down the aisle on her wedding day.

Depression

Upon realizing that she has no power over stopping the event, she usually slips into a depressed state of mind and an overwhelming feeling of sadness engulfs her.

Acceptance

The final phase. This is when the person finally accepts the situation and decides to deal with it. He knows that it is time to get on with his life, and continuously feeling angry or sad will do nothing to solve his problem.

Indoctrination of BN toward Government servant.

My best friend,Sue,excited when she got her letter for job as a nurse,and she will be as trainee starting from July.As her best friend,I always glad that she got that job,especially when that's her dream,and nurse is a decent job.My name,Ezreen Emira came from a nurse who deliver me,when I was born in Caesarean section.I put my respect to nurse,who helps people to heal from sickness,or at least,calm they down from pain that the patient got.

However,she needs to work as a government servant.And the issues begins.According from her boyfriend,Sue told me that she need to wake up in the morning,and exercise.I say that's no problem on that.But after exercise,she need to attend some speech from director of hospital.When the director start holding the microphone,the director started to say "how much we should be grateful to government(led by BN),and we should be grateful,and the government cares about you."

Now that what I'm disagree.When I was in Malaysia,I start to wonder,why on Earth every morning and evening,RTM plays "so-called" patriotic songs with Prime Minister shaking hands with people,and project worth billions and telling off people in the news not to vote other than BN,while I'm in Canada,that never occured.Never,ever.Even when election day came,both parties,either Liberal or Conservative,or even small party like Bloc Quebecois got same equal air time to promote their party.Indoctrination through propaganda.

I wonder how much people adore to be government servant.When I was in Malaysia,I still remember that one of my uncle told me "it's good to work with government".I don't want to work with government.First,they are trained to licking their bosses ass.From when they start to learn that,from induction,and from public speaking of director,just like my best friend had to face.

The fact is,how long this "paganism" toward government-led BN should be happen in Malaysia?How long BN should play role as "God"?Government should govern,not telling off what people should believe.How long Malaysians should pray to BN to get job secured?Jacking BN leaders asses worth for some hypocrete-blood sucking leech,for those who loved BN to rule,the one who loved to work with government-led BN.Such an oppurtunist!

In Canada,my friend Sandy got her first day as nurse,learning how to using syringe,to pull the needle to patient's body.Not to listen "we must love our government" speech.

Profesionalism towards governement servant must be lifted up,to bring public perception better.Not with yelling trainee to "listen to order of government."

Go Sue girl power go!

Noam Chomsky once said,

"For those who stubbornly seek freedom, there can be no more urgent task than to come to understand the mechanisms and practices of indoctrination. These are easy to perceive in the totalitarian societies, much less so in the system of 'brainwashing under freedom' to which we are subjected and which all too often we serve as willing or unwitting instruments."

Home Sweet Home,Orange House.

21 hours of flight came to the end.Same route,departed at St Petersburg,and it was awesome city.City of Czars,people call them.There's some petition to bring back St Petersburg to be capital city of Russia,again.

Calgary quite gloomy when I arrived,perhaps it's going to rain soon.Arriving to my home,orange house,after what my brother has done after he fall in love with Dutch football.I was thought he paint our house red after Spain won European Championship.

Feeding my cats are such a therapy.When they eat,I'm missing my sister,who always feed them,this Tuesday,8th of July,a year ago she left me.

I'm going to miss her so much.This week I'm paying my tribute to my sister,Sherina Ellyana.